The Dom: Was the director just asleep that day, or had everyone just given up by this point, so the actor decided that interpretive dance meets William Shatner was the way to go? The Dom's reaction to the clip of the Guild spokesman's strange hand movements."Herbert kinda had a 'because fuck you' attitude towards explaining his biology."."Oh, William Hurt, maybe just.don't do sci-fi, it's clearly not your thing."."The only reason I could think of for them adding in the cute fremen girl, is what's the point of having the lead do something cool, if there's only an old woman there to be wowed by it, you know? You gotta have sexual tension, or there's no point!".Mostly straight but very attracted to Patrick Stewart. *The Dom is what's known as "Picardosexual".Describing the glowing-eyes effect as making everyone look like "alternative Jawas.".I would prefer to avoid another 'space speedo' incident if possible as my liver cannot handle another fifth of Liqueur all at once, but that is admittedly a secondary concern." The Dom opens with a letter to the director of the upcoming film reboot, pleading with him to keep in mind that the original book version of Baron Harkonnen cannot fly.At the end, it turns out that The Dom was not allowed to say it was okay to not see the film, and he is taken before the League of Snooty Film Critics, who pronounce his punishment: reviewing Fifty Shades of Grey."I-I'm pretty sure this book is supposed to be about the mafia, isn't it? No? Still describing vaginal surgery, huh? Okay."I have to admit, when I first started reading this book, I wasn't expecting quite so much of the plot to be based around.um.genitalia.".The Dom: Right then, while the League of Snooty Film Critics furiously search through our bylaws to see if that's something I'm allowed to say. The Dom trying to ask Calluna out to dinner, only to get shot down, as she already had plans.Calluna dragging The Dom along with her to fight a cave troll randomly attacking the city, mirroring how Gandalf shanghaied Bilbo in the book.Writer: (tearful) Why are you always yelling, Liz? Hyperactive writer: THEY FIGHT ALL THE GOBLINS ALONG THE WOODEN ROADS AND SURF A COLLAPSING BRIDGE DOWN A HUGE PRECIPICE AND IT'S BADASS!!! Writer: Right, so, after the dwarves run through the tunnels, chased by the goblins, they. Hyperactive writer: IT'S GONNA BE AWESOOOOME!! Hyperactive writer: YOU MEAN HE SMASHES A GIANT BOULDER WITH HIS STAFF, LETTING THE SUN THROUGH IT! What? Okay, so Gandalf then throws his voice and does impressions of the trolls to keep them arguing long enough for the sun to rise. Hyperactive writer: YEAH! AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THAT THEY'RE STANDING ON ONE OF THEIR KNEECAPS, AND THEY FLY AROUND WITH IT AS THEY BATTLE AND HEADBUTT EACH OTHER AND SHIT! Writer: Okay, the book says the party is travelling through the mountains and they see giants fighting in the distance.
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